Oh, the Guilt!

On Saturday I went out with my college girlfriends. They're awesome and I wish I saw them more than 3 times a year. They are funny and smart and they've known me for 20 years, but they are not my family. Yes, we are all wearing the same owl shirt. See?! Funny, but not my family. So, obviously I was plagued with guilt. We had just gotten back from a week away, which could mean that since I'd just spent nearly every minute (really ev-er-y minute!) of the last 7 days with my family, that it was no big deal to be gone for a few hours. But instead, to me, it meant the following: I shouldn't have left today. There's loads of crap all over the house to be put away. The kids are going to be a collective pain in the ass as they settle back in. My husband will be saddled with all the work and he'll be mad at me for going and ditching him . . . and on and on. Because of all of that I promised to be back before dinner, thinking that would ease the pain of being left. However, (and this has happened before . . . more than one time) I didn't make it back in time for dinner. I had to sheepishly call at 5:00 and confess that I wasn't going to make it. More guilt! And, my husband was a little put out. Rightfully so. He wasn't planning on making dinner. 

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When I got home the kids were bathed and fed, the crap was still all over the house, and my husband was not irritated with me. He'd gotten over it. Lucky me! There are all sorts of morals to this story but the most important take away for me was this: life in my family goes on just fine without me. That doesn't mean they don't need me. They just don't need me ALL THE EFFING TIME! Also, I deserve to have a break. And, also this: my partner is competent and capable. I'll say it again, he is competent and capable and he loves our girls just as fiercely as I do. And that's awesome. It doesn't diminish what I do. Being a full time parent and caretaker of the house is an enormous amount of work, but our partners (or babysitters) can handle the kids for a few hours, while we take a break. In fact it diminishes them when we suggest that they can't do it without us. Of course they can! And the guilt? We gotta let that shit go. It's not good for any of us. 

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