 A is convinced that we love her sister more than we love her. Not in the "she got to choose the story! It's not fair" kind of way, but the "deep sadness, sulk quietly in your room and cry to yourself because you are not properly loved" kind of way. It feels really fucking heavy.
This sadness and deep sense of inequity drives her anxiety. She becomes obsessed with controlling all the interactions. Trying desperately to read every word we say and every move we make. She has an unspoken, elaborate and mystifying rating scale for hugs, snuggles and smiles.  These days, the raising of little girl days, I think a lot about body image. My own body image, A's image at 8 and Little E's body image at 4. Body image. It feels like a big fucking deal. The ideas and thoughts that they are forming right now may define how their teenage years go and those teenage years will have a lot of impact on the rest of their lives. See, big fucking deal. In fact it feels so heavy to me that at times I'm overwhelmed and feel like it's just too much. Why bother when the pervasive media message seems so much louder than my own chant of "You are perfect and strong and healthy." But I do bother because I think my voice matters to them. Right?! They totally care what I say. At least for another couple of years. Then they will discover the truth: I have no idea what I'm doing. But, about this topic, I am right. They are perfect. I wrote about it for Portland City Mom's Blog. |
I'm Molly. I'm all in for parenting. I'm all in for good food. All in for big and small outdoor adventures. And really only partly in for homemaking. I want a Martha Stewart home and meal, but the truth is, we mamas just can't do it all. Not really. This shit is tricky!
This is a collection of musings and missives about parenting like you mean it. I mean really mean it. About how you can pull off a really mostly decent meal, keep your house kinda clean, do some of your laundry, and also even remember to usually feed your pets. But mostly about how being a mama is hard and we can totally rock it, but maybe that dream of perfection has got to give a little.
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