It's Not Sexy. She's Nine.

First, I said an emphatic "Hell no" (actually, I just said no, but in my head, it was emphatic and involved the word hell) to the bikini. It's the most hyper- sexualized article of clothing in the clothing repertoire. A has been asking (begging and whining) for a couple of years now to wear a bikini and lately I started questioning my stance. Most of my super smart mama tribe also has said no.

​And then we really started talking about it. Delving deeper into the quagmire of the swimsuit dilemma revealed that maybe saying no to the bikini was more about my shit than her. More about my fears of what other people would think when they looked at my perfect child in her teeny tiny suit. More about the way that I would look at her in her teeny tiny suit. I want to drag on the wheels of time and seeing her in a bikini (which I see as a sexy and adult article of clothing) makes her look more grown up. I hate that!

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But here I am telling her that her body is perfect. It is strong and capable and can perform all of the crazy stuff that she wants to do. She puts healthy food in her body and it's just right. I'm telling her that she has no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed by her body. Ever. But, actually, cover it up at the beach because showing your belly and back is inappropriate. What?! The more I talked about it the more I have decided that it's not her problem if someone doesn't like her suit or thinks it's too sexy. She's 9. She's not being sexy. She is not a sexual being right now. If someone else sees her that way, that is in no way her problem.

She does not need to take responsibility for anyone else's inappropriate sexualization of her.

Again, she's 9. She's doing what is cool. She's rocking a little suit because she's comfortable. She's owning it! And good for her. We could all take a lesson from her. 

Right now there is only one message (actually that's not quite true, I'm bossy and have so many messages, but I also get that I should maybe tone it down and just push the most important message) and right now (maybe always) it is this: Your body is perfect and no one has the right to make you feel otherwise.